Conclusions, struggles, terrors, and peace

My dearest friend Gwenea needs your prayers, I have been witness to some of her pain throughout the last couple of months. But I know that there is always more pain around the corner, and the only thing to help is to pray.

But why should we pray? In Gwenea's wonderful guest post on Elizabeth Rose's blog it really came clear to me that God doesn't always answer us directly or in the way we want, but he answers us in the way we need. And I have seen this time and time again. But it never hurts to get these little refreshers.

When I look upon my own struggles and fears I feel guilty about it, because mine are so little compared to others. Why do I complain? Why do I despair when so many other have worse things to cry themselves to sleep over? And then why are these people so brave in the face of their own struggles? Why do I see so many people who suffer and bare it better than anyone?

For me, my struggles are intertwined with God. I take many things to seriously, and I have a very dark perspective of life already. When something does not go right, or I endure embarrassment, I look to God and think "because of my sins I must endure this, this is punishment." I love God, and rather then blaming him, I know find that I blame myself. I doubt God's mercy over everyone else. I forget that I have been forgiven, that God will always love me.

Before I did used to blame God, many things that were hard for me have happened. Other people's suffering causes me to suffer. Because I empathise to the enth degree. And I do this subconsciously. I do not realise until I am wading deep into it, that I have indeed taken on someone Else's emotional pain. And it never helps anyone to do this.

But coming to terms with this has given me peace. I am sure God will throw me more struggles, but only as much as he believes I can handle.

In Christ